He's here!!!!

Oh my word - what a relief. He's finally here - my very cute baby boy, Olly.

He arrived on Friday the 14th of October at 9.04pm after being induced the day before and being in active labour for about 10 hours. Five hours in I opted for an epidural as I really wasn't dealing with the pain and felt the urge to push far to soon. By the time I was transferred to Delivery from Antenatal I was 8-9cm dilated and the Anaesthetist was questioning whether the epidural was too late.
I did, for a moment, wonder if I could carry on without the drugs, but in the end I am so glad I did as it made the whole birth experience much calmer and pain free!
It's afterwards the problems occur as because I couldn't feel anything, pushing was hard to control and I think I actually pushed too hard - leaving me with second degree tears and a general feeling of everything being ruined down below!!
But that aside, baby Olly is perfect - he weighed 9lb 9oz! Wasn't expecting that! He was 12 days overdue at the end - and I didn't even have gestational diabetes. Despite what so many doctors say, overweight women are more than capable of giving birth without intervention. Yes he did need to be induced, and I had an epidural, but my out of condition body managed to push out a perfectly healthy, bouncing baby boy!
I will post more in the days to come but for now here is a picture of my little creation -

11th October 2011 - 41 weeks

Late posting as usual - and still pregnant!!! I am now 41 + 3. How do I feel about this? Surprisingly calm, but mostly because I am delaying the pain. As much as I know I have a baby inside me, my son, my first child, I feel like I am avoiding the inevitable at the moment and am happy to put of D Day for as long as possible. I am very scared of the pain and how I will cope with it.

This fear has been elevated since visiting my consultant last week. She decided to perform a sweep - I was expecting this, and happy to go ahead - despite the embarrassment factor. I went with the Hubby, and glad I did as it was NOT a good experience. I knew it would be uncomfortable, what I didn't expect was for it to be one of the single most painful experiences of my life (so far). She brought in a Midwife for distraction purposes - which I thought was a joke at first. It wasn't, and she didn't distract me. She didn't really explain what she was going to do, in fact I think she thought the hit and run approach was best but it shocked the life out of me. At first it felt as if she were using a giant speculum with sharp bits on - but it was her hand. It was so roughly done - I'm sure it could have been less traumatic.

I was booked in for an induction date afterwards, and hardly remember anything the midwife said to me as I was in shock. I had to drive myself home afterwards as we had taken separate cars, I don't know how I did it. It took me a couple of days to get over it, and made me realise just how much pain I am in for. The sweep didn't work, even though I was 2cm dilated, so today I went back to my regular midwife and had another sweep - this hurt alot too - especially as she had sharp finger nails!! But I knew what to expect and we've tried everything else in the past week to oust this little fella. I really want to avoid being induced (I'm booked in for Thursday) as I've heard in can be even more painful than normal labour - but I just need to get him out now as I'm getting worried about him being in there too long, and everyone is getting really impatient - not to mention the husband - who thinks I am stalling!! Like I have a choice!!

Who knows - after the sweep this afternoon (still 2cm) things may happen tonight. And tomorrow is a full moon - which is also supposed to increase the delivery rate. Will miss my bump I think - especially as it is only a recent development. Won't miss the pain in my pelvis though and not being able to sleep on my front or back. I guess it all depends what happens at the birth - I may be in even more pain afterwards!!

Here are my measurements for the week -

Bust - 52 inches (-0.5)

Waist - 52 inches (-0.5)

Hips - 56.5 inches (-0.5)

Weight - no change from last week 

Symptoms

• emotional (still!)
• random aches and pains - some sciatic pain in left hip
• dry lips
• some dizziness
• painful aching in my pelvic area - especially around the pubic bone
• heartburn
• crazy dreams

Here are the last shots (perhaps?) - 

41 weeks side view

41 weeks plan view

3rd October 2011 - 40 weeks

It's October!! And yes - no baby as of yet! My official due date was yesterday and like a trooper I made it to my friends wedding, lasted right to the end, and even had to drive home myself as I stupidly allowed the hubby to have more to drink! Was ok, although felt very tired the next day, probably also because it was 29 degrees and we went over to my Mums to help her pack for her move. Phew - it was a tiring few days - that included the day before the wedding where a last minute dash to Bluewater was required for accessories to my outfit!
Friends and family are getting a little impatient, so is the husband. But I'm not at the "just get him out" stage yet - would like a few calm days beforehand to chill out.
Trying to find a wedding outfit that I felt comfortable but nice in was interesting - luckily I discovered a dress I had bought about a year ago - it was just a dark blue jersey dress but has a pretty waistband of oversized pewter sequins to make it a bit dressier. So I teamed it with a metallic shrug, shoes and clutch bag, bought a fancy hairband fascinator and even if I do say so myself looked ok. I still didn't look pregnant to some people though, one lady, when she was told I was pregnant thought I wasn't due until February - when I said sheepishly - No I'm due tomorrow! It was a little awkward - but the husband said I was being over sensitive. When I showed my family the photos even my Mum said I didn't look pregnant. Think she thought she was being complementary.
Well it's a bit late now - I'm not suddenly going to develop the perfect bump, and my horrible wobbly bit underneath isn't going to disappear. So I'll just have to accept this and stop worrying about it so much! What I need to worry about is the labour!! Have bought a TENS machine and am hoping that it will be of use as a friend who had her baby yesterday said it was fantastic. Am seeing the consultant on Wednesday so may possibly discuss my options regarding induction - I think she wanted to check whether I was favourable - REALLY looking forward to that - NOT!! Anywho - am off out tonight for a meal (no curries) for possibly one of my last nights out for a while! More developments next week perhaps!!

Here are my measurements for the week -

Bust - 52.5 inches (-1)

Waist - 54.5 inches (+1)

Hips - 57 inches (-0.5)

Weight - +0.3kg 

Symptoms

• emotional (still!)
• random aches and pains
• dry lips
• lack of appetite
• strong twinges and painful aching in my pelvic area - especially around the pubic bone
• heartburn at night if I eat too late

And now for the weekly shots -

40 weeks plan view

40 weeks side view

25th September 2011 - 39 weeks

Thought I'd best make an effort to post on time this week! Am officially 39 weeks today, feeling a little cumbersome. Heard that there is going to be a heatwave over the next two weeks so am a little concerned at how I will cope with this! Running out of things to wear and was quite glad that the weather was getting cooler so I could wear some of my winter tunic tops - great for bump coverage!

I feel like I'm not thinking enough about the baby arriving. I find myself wasting time on the internet, then doing stuff for work (!), and making lists, and more lists - but I need to focus on the BIG event that is going to wallop me around the head any moment now.

Blimey am I going to have a shock to the system! Feeling frustrated not being able to jump up and do things either due to my pelvic pain or lack of energy - but I guess that's where most women find themselves at this stage. Haven't reached the point where I want him out yet, I'm quite happy for another week or two - although I am getting a litte concerned about how big he will be! He has really grown in the past two weeks - I've gone from looking fatter to looking very pregnant all of a sudden. It's nice to finally feel almost normal, even if it's still in an abnormal way - if that makes sense?

Running out of steam now so will cut this blog short - as usual - who knows whether I will be blogging this time next week - to be continued . . .

Here are my measurements for the week -

Bust - 53.5 inches (+1)

Waist - 53.5 inches (+1.5)

Hips - 57.5 inches (+2.5)

Weight - +1kg 

Symptoms

• emotional (more than usual!)
• periods of extreme tiredness
• sometimes feeling clammy and hot
• leg cramps
• strong twinges and painful aching in my pelvic area - especially around the pubic bone
• heartburn at night if I eat too late

And now for the weekly shots -

39 weeks plan view

39 weeks side view

12th September 2011 - 37 weeks

Really starting to feel heavily pregnant now! Had my 36 weeks growth scan last week, Bumpy is head down, facing to the back with his back on the right side of my belly and his feet and arms the other. Bottom is at the top! Glad he was in a normal position, and my placenta is high posterior too. They estimated his weight at 6lbs 15oz which is normal apparantly, but shocked me a little. Still wondering how he is fitting in there!

Actually enjoying my bump now as it is obvious to most people what's in there. Some still aren't sure, but I think I actually look pregnant now - what does everyone else think - here's a side shot of me in my polka dot nightie showing how most empire line tops and dresses hang from me now -

After my scan I saw one of the hospital midwives to check my BP, urine etc. All fine. Then next I saw one of the consultants. A different lady to who I normally see. Nice enough, but she decided to try to put the fear of god in me. She insisted that I meet with an anaesthetist so they can see whether I can be easily fitted with an epidural and I'm assuming to discuss the extra risks, not just with my weight, but with the Fragmin I am on. She felt she needed to tell me that ladies with a high BMI such as mine often have difficulty giving birth and often need help. I know the facts, and that the risks are slightly increased, and realise that she was trying to make me aware, but I could imagine her approach could easily petrify some women. My husband was quite taken aback by her scaremongering also. Just hope I can prove her wrong!

Don't think it will be much longer - each night I wonder whether tonight will be the night! Been pretty uncomfortable lately. Last night was terrible in particular. I had spent the day in London watching the cricket so the combination of lots of stairs, walking and sitting on a fold up plastic chair really took their toll when I was in bed. My whole pelvis was aching alot, and kept seizing up. To add to my woes every time I tried to move the backs of my thighs and my shins started to cramp. Every position was uncomfortable, even putting a cushion between my legs became too painful a task at times. I did manage some sleep but woke up to even more pain as everything had fixed, meaning a complicated and painful procedure of un-fixing myself (and then a trip to the loo!).

The NCT lady told me about the Pelvic Partnership (link) a Charity dedicated to informing women about PGP (Pelvic Girdle Pain) which is what I have discovered is the correct term rather than SPD as it covers the whole pelvis and not just the Pubis Symphysis. Until I had found this website I had assumed that this was all par for the course and I should just put up with it. But to the contrary, I shouldn't be fobbed off by health professionals and should actively demand/seek treatment for this. The treatment though involves being seen by a Chiropractor/Osteopath or Physiotherapist who can manipulate the affected areas to often bring substantial relief. Great news, only that due to my sheer embarrassment of the idea of stripping to my underwear and being wiggled around and will not be seeking this help. I know, I'm an idiot, but I just can't bear the humiliation - no matter how much pain I am in. Plus, I guess it's preparing me a little for the pain to come? If it persists after Bumpy gets here I may have to do something, but I'm hoping that it will improve after - and I have mentioned this in my birth plan so the midwives know that I cannot swing my legs around as easily as most and get fixed if I stay in one position too long.

Just had a thought - this time next week he could be here! Have been talking to him lately to tell him about the outside world, and how everyone is looking forward to seeing him. I think he must have the hiccups at the moment, as his movements are too regular to be normal kicks. Have noticed this more and more in the past couple weeks. Have been the checking the times to see when he does this as some people say that when their babies arrive they sometimes still have hiccups at the same times! It's also supposed to be a sign of a mature respiratory system.

I guess most women reach this stage where you go from "Oh I have plenty of time til the baby arrives" and "Oh my god he could arrive any day now!" It's a funny kind of calm panic. I'm still not as prepared as I would like to be - I have a long list of cleaning duties still to do - and still cannot find something to give birth in - I need to have something I will feel feminine in, that will cover any rude bits (even when bending over) and will be cool and comfortable. Easier said than done it seems!

Need to take more photos of the nursery and all of his bits and bobs - he has so many cute things now. My dearest friend made him a quilt with his name embroidered on it (surname only) - I cried when she gave it to me as it was so pretty and made with so much love. Hopefully I will find time between now and then to take photos so I can upload them on here. Unless I am busy in other ways!!!

Here are my measurements for the week -

Bust - 52.5 inches (+0.5)

Waist - 53 inches (-1.5)

Hips - 57.5 inches (-0.5)

Weight - +0.4kg 

Symptoms

• shooting pains (up there)
• been sick a little more lately - no room in my tummy anymore!
• emotional (more than usual!)
• periods of extreme tiredness
• sometimes feeling clammy and hot
• leg cramps
• bleeding gums (had this since the start really but don't know whether I've mentioned it before)
• strong twinges and painful aching in my pelvic area - especially around the pubic bone
• heartburn at night if I eat too late

And now for the weekly shots -

37 weeks plan view

37 weeks side view

5th September 2011 - 36 weeks

I am now officially a lady of leisure. Last day at work on Friday. Was a little bit of an anti-climax in some ways, but it was also quite stressful and I'm sure I've left some kind of chaos behind, but there has to be a cut off date, and Friday was that day!

Also had out first NCT class on Sunday. Six hours of learning about positions during labour, the last stages of pregnancy, signs of labour, problems and choices. I chose to go to these rather than the free ones as I had heard they were more thorough and as people were paying to go there they would be more involved. My sister says it's ante natal for posh people, and maybe she's right as everyone seemed quite middle class, but I found it really useful - if not a bit scary thinking it would be me soon! We have our second 6 hour class on Friday, then I think I have a breastfeeding session next week.

On Wednesday I will be having what may well be my last scan - a 36 week growth scan. I'm wondering still if Bumpy is in a breech position as the Midwife was unable to tell (podge related issue I think!). I think a strange part of me is hoping he is, and that I will have to have a caesarian. Crazy, I know as this isn't the easy option, but I think it's my fear of labour that's making me feel this way. I've been suffering more this week with my self diagnosed SPD. Had several really bad nights sleep, terrible aching in my hips then sharp pain in my pubic bone every time I tried to reposition myself. Walking has also become uncomfortable and painful at times - especially on the left hand side of my pelvis. This pain has made me question my tolerance levels - I really worry I may be a complete wimp and unable to bear the pain of labour and childbirth. Not a rare fear though of course!!!

But then on the other hand I know I would be really proud of myself for doing it, and don't want to imagine it as some kind of hellish task - I'm bringing life into the world - my first child, my son. It should be a magical and wonderful (albeit painful) experience. Maybe if I follow Ina May Gaskins advice and imagine myself as a hollow tube, relax my face, make mooing noises etc I will be alright - it's that simple isn't it?!

Ha! I'm such a chicken!! Anywho, as a lady of leisure I have lined up a long lists of tasks for myself so must go!

Here are my measurements for the week -

Bust - 52 inches (-0.5)

Waist - 54.5 inches (+1.5)

Hips - 58 inches (+1)

Weight - -0.7kg 

Symptoms

• new stretch marks appearing around my waist.
• brittle nails and dry skin
• constipation (yay!)
• strong twinges and painful aching in my pelvic area - especially around the pubic bone
• heartburn at night if I eat too late

And now for the weekly shots -

36 weeks side view

36 weeks plan view

29th August 2011 - 35 weeks

This week will be my 35th Birthday. Maybe freaky that I am now also 35 weeks pregnant!? Won't get too philosophical about the passing of time both in my life and my pregnancy, but I do feel like everything is rushing by at the moment.

Had two midwife appointments last week. The first with my regular midwife - where everything was fine. I did mention my pelvic pain again but apart from the advice to try pilates or swimming (two very scary concepts to me at the moment!) she couldn't really offer any great solution and pretty much made out that it's not long now so I should just grin and bear it. Great! The second appointment was with the Healthy Living Midwife, who is a very lovely lady called Suzanne who whilst having great nutritional advice is great to chat to about all aspects of having babies and life in general. She always cheers me up - ironic as when it was suggested at my booking appointment that I attend these meetings I expected it to be a lecture about my diet and exercise and really dreaded going. It turns out that I do actually know the right things to eat, and I eat a reasonably healthy diet. My main downfall I think is portion sizes and not drinking enough fluids. Since falling pregnant I have cut down on my portions, started eating more fruit and making sure I drink more low sugar low fat fluids - i.e. water! I truly believe that these small changes (and still having a few naughty things here and there) have enabled me to only put on a couple of pounds so far since my booking appointment.

Suzanne was very congratulatory and happy with my "efforts" and although I have obviously been keeping a track of my weight every week I haven't obsessed about it. Maybe the knowledge that health professionals will be weighing me on a regular basis has subconsciously scared me into weight loss? This must be the principle behind Weightwatchers too?! As you will see though I have managed to put on more weight this week, mostly due to eating too much of the wrong stuff!

Bought my first maternity top last week too - it is a navy blue jersey smock top with thin horizontal (!) stripes. It really highlights the shape of the top bump - I wore it Saturday night and felt like a proper pregnant woman for once! Even when buying the top (from Asda Living) the cashier asked how much longer I had left. I must have looked at her in so much shock that she was sure enough that I must be pregnant to ask such a question that she had to ask - it is for you isn't it? (Or she could have possibly been one of those people who always says the wrong thing!). I happily told her yes it is for me, I only have a few weeks left. Felt really chuffed afterwards. Maybe the last few weeks of my pregnancy people will actually realise I am pregnant!

Last week at work now - it was a Bank Holiday today so I only have four more days! I know it's going to drive me crazy wondering how things are going in my absence. But the hubby works there and I am good friends with one of the other designers too, who will keep me up to date with everything. Then again I might relish escaping from the stress and frustration. Hmm, knowing me, I will just be disappointed that the company hasn't gone to pot in my absence. It will be a reality check for me that's for sure. But once Bumpy makes his appearance I'm sure my mind will be occupied with other things! 6 Months off - wow - what a big change - it's a new life in so many ways!!

Here are my measurements for the week -

Bust - 52.5 inches (+0.5)

Waist - 53 inches (+0.5)

Hips - 57 inches (no change)

Weight - +1.4kg 

Symptoms

• getting out of breath going up stairs!
• strong twinges and painful aching in my pelvic area - especially around the pubic bone
• heartburn at night if I eat too late

And now for the weekly shots -

35 weeks plan view

35 weeks side view

10th July 2011 - 28 weeks

So I'm at the start of my Third trimester. The home stretch. Feeling under-prepared for bringing a baby into the house. Not that I don't have much of the stuff, it's just the practical side like feeding and sleeping patterns I worry about. I need to read some more to put my mind at rest.

Reading my last post was quite depressing. You'll be glad to hear that I'm feeling a lot brighter today. I had a few terrible days last week where I just couldn't lift myself out of the self pity and excessive crying. I know it's still early days so no wonder I'm up and down a lot. After saying how that physically I felt normal I found myself exhausted several times last week. Two or three nights I just laid on the sofa, not achieving much. Which I really hate as I have so much to do at the moment.

I have my Glucose Tolerance test tomorrow - so no food after 10pm tonight. My sister has had to have these so I kind of know what to expect. I'm more concerned about the growth scan on Wednesday as I am quite convinced now that the baby isn't growing enough. This is based on the fact that my tummy hasn't expanded much. There is an increase to my waist this month but overall I've only added about 4 inches since the start - is this normal? My mum told me several times over the weekend that I don't look 6 months pregnant. I haven't mentioned to anyone that I'm worried about the baby's growth, I just laugh off the fact that he is hiding in my podge. My top podge continues to expand above all else making it really hard to find clothes to wear that don't make me look too oddly shaped. I have a friends wedding to go to soon, god knows what I'm going to wear!

I finished the fitted sheets for the cot today - here's a photo of one of them on -

It's nice to add a bit of colour back into the room, as it is quite monochrome. And it's nice that the colours are to my taste - and not the bland palette of creams and pastels that the high street offer! I'll put more photos on soon as I get more organised.

Here are my measurements for the week -

Bust - 53 inches (-0.5)

Waist - 52 inches (+1.5)

Hips - 57 inches (no change)

Weight - +2.5kg (eek!!)

Symptoms

• leg cramps during the night
• sharp pain in the night if I try and flip over too quickly
• still gagging in the morning and bringing up a lot of phlegm (TMI)
• Periods of extreme tiredness

And now for the weekly shots - 

28 weeks plan view

28 weeks side view

3rd July 2011 - 27 weeks

Next week I think I am technically into my third trimester. So this makes this my last week of my second. People keep asking me if I feel extra tired, or if the heat is getting to me. But I don't feel too different to how I normally feel. I haven't been sleeping very well for quite a while now, and that's bound to make anyone feel tired. What with everything that has happened recently I guess it's no surprise.

It's four weeks today since Dad died. Feels longer in some ways. Some days I feel so desperately distraught and pained by him not being here any more. I feel guilty if I temporarily forget, this has happened a few times at work, the worst place to get upset. People don't really know what to say to me. And those who have never lost anyone probably think I must be over it by now. I want the world to stop and mourn for my Dad, but it won't and I can't.

My whole life is so different now. It was overwhelming enough preparing for having a baby, but to lose my dad before he's even had the chance to see my son has torn my world apart. I worry that I will associate the baby with loss and sadness. If I'm totally honest I'm still struggling to come to terms with him being a boy as I had dreamt of having a girl and can't imagine what its like to look after a boy. I'm finding it really hard to get excited about the baby. It still doesn't seem real, even when I can feel him kicking, which is a lot now. I worry that I may have some sort of prenatal depression. Or maybe I'm just a bad person? I don't know what to think - I can't talk to anyone about this as they'll think badly of me - as I would too. How can anyone not be excited about their first baby? A baby that was planned?!

Maybe it's hormones on top of my grief. It doesn't help that the day I found out he was a boy was the day Dad was rushed to hospital and I realised he was really ill. I need to separate the two. I can't associate my little boy with the tragedy. I need to see it as the positive event that it is.

Back to the subject of this blog - being Pregnant and Plus Size. I still don't look pregnant. I just look fatter. I'm trying to dress to look pregnant, but it's tricky as I have such an obvious B shaped belly. Pregnant women aren't supposed to have a waist - but I do. I can't ever see my stomach turning into a bump - one thing I was really looking forward to. I also worry that the baby might not be growing enough as my weight is staying around the same and I haven't increased a lot in inches. When I look at photos online of other women at the same stage as me they have massive bumps. Even with my bump hiding in my flubber it's nowhere near as large. I have my 28 week scan next week - so hope this puts my mind at rest.

The cot bed arrives tomorrow - hopefully. This will help make the baby's room look like a proper nursery. I have lots of fabric now to make things with so this should help get me into the baby mindset. Will post more photos soon.

Here are my measurements for the week -

Bust - 53.5 inches (+0.5)

Waist - 50.5 inches (+0.5)

Hips - 57 inches (no change)

Weight - +0.5kg

Symptoms

• same as last week - 
• back ache
• leg cramps during the night
• sharp pain in the night if I try and flip over too quickly
• still gagging in the morning and bringing up a lot of phlegm (TMI)

And now for the weekly shots - 

27 weeks side view

27 weeks plan view