This weekend has been just as hectic, as it was our friends wedding on Friday which has left me feeling exhausted. I was the designated driver as I wouldn't be drinking of course, but after all day on my feet and even a little dancing (which felt weird with a baby in my wobbly tummy), I felt pretty tired and my poor legs were cramping terribly.
I struggled knowing what to wear too, I wanted people to be able to see that I was pregnant, but knew I wouldn't be able to find a proper maternity dress that I liked, or that existed in my size! So I luckily had a pretty summer dress that I had bought a couple years ago that I had never worn as it was too big around the bust. Luckily it fitted over my bulge and even flared off nicely, hiding the bottom of my B bump! After a bit of sewing the top was amended and I had a dress I could wear. I still don't know if I looked pregnant to people that didn't know me.
One of the bridesmaids was due in 3 weeks and she had the most amazing bump, no mistaking at all that she was pregnant. She sat on the same table as me and the waitresses knew not to offer her alcohol, but I was offered it every time, a small thing I know, but it made me feel a little sorry for myself. Measured myself today and my measurements haven't changed since 2 weeks ago. I saw my midwife last week and she told me about another lady who just gave birth who was a similar size to me and also had what she referred to as a tight band around her middle preventing her from having a round bump. She said that I probably wouldn't get a proper bump too.
I know I always whinge about this and I know that this probably sounds trivial to most people but I really looked forward to having a bump, and not having one at this stage, and probably never having one makes me feel sad. There is also the embarrassment of people not realising I'm pregnant. Today I met a friend of my sisters who is due 4 days after me and she had a huge round bump. I stood right in front of her and felt like apologising for mine and said that mine was still mostly podge and hers was amazing. Even looking back over photos of me from 8 weeks pregnant I can hardly see any difference. All my friends say that I'm lucky, but I just feel cheated out of the whole experience now and just want it over with now so I now longer have this feeling of disappointment and embarrassment.
Maybe it is the hormones making me overreact. Not sure. If I continue to stay around the same weight I guess it must mean that I've lost weight, so it will be a nice bonus when Bumpy arrives, which won't be long now. Getting more excited about meeting him and seeing what he looks like. I think it may take me some time to adjust as I still have mixed feelings about becoming a parent. I don't know if I'll be any good at it, and worry that I will regret the life I used to have. Unfortunately, as mentioned in my previous posts poor Bumpy's arrival has been at the most traumatic time in my life ever and I do worry about him being associated with all the negative emotions. I'm sure his arrival will be a welcome injection of positive emotion, just what we all need right now.
Still struggling with coming to terms with losing Dad, I think in a way it's harder now that it was before as Mum is finding it harder too, which hurts so, so much. I have found the whole process completely draining and can't help wishing that it would all go away, but of course that's not an option.
Too late now to go into all of that again - so ...
Here are my measurements for the week -
Bust - 52.5 inches (no change)
Waist - 51.5 inches (no change)
Hips - 56.5 inches (no change)
Weight - -0.1kg
- leg cramps during the night
- sharp pain in the night if I try and flip over too quickly
- Periods of extreme tiredness
- more heartburn now
- shorter of breath than normal
- very achey hips and pelvic area