Sunday 31 July 2011

31st July 2011 - 31 weeks

Sorry for the missing post last week, we ended up doing a boot fair and just didn't have any spare time at all (or energy) for photos and blogging.

This weekend has been just as hectic, as it was our friends wedding on Friday which has left me feeling exhausted. I was the designated driver as I wouldn't be drinking of course, but after all day on my feet and even a little dancing (which felt weird with a baby in my wobbly tummy), I felt pretty tired and my poor legs were cramping terribly.

I struggled knowing what to wear too, I wanted people to be able to see that I was pregnant, but knew I wouldn't be able to find a proper maternity dress that I liked, or that existed in my size! So I luckily had a pretty summer dress that I had bought a couple years ago that I had never worn as it was too big around the bust. Luckily it fitted over my bulge and even flared off nicely, hiding the bottom of my B bump! After a bit of sewing the top was amended and I had a dress I could wear. I still don't know if I looked pregnant to people that didn't know me.

One of the bridesmaids was due in 3 weeks and she had the most amazing bump, no mistaking at all that she was pregnant. She sat on the same table as me and the waitresses knew not to offer her alcohol, but I was offered it every time, a small thing I know, but it made me feel a little sorry for myself. Measured myself today and my measurements haven't changed since 2 weeks ago. I saw my midwife last week and she told me about another lady who just gave birth who was a similar size to me and also had what she referred to as a tight band around her middle preventing her from having a round bump. She said that I probably wouldn't get a proper bump too.

I know I always whinge about this and I know that this probably sounds trivial to most people but I really looked forward to having a bump, and not having one at this stage, and probably never having one makes me feel sad. There is also the embarrassment of people not realising I'm pregnant. Today I met a friend of my sisters who is due 4 days after me and she had a huge round bump. I stood right in front of her and felt like apologising for mine and said that mine was still mostly podge and hers was amazing. Even looking back over photos of me from 8 weeks pregnant I can hardly see any difference. All my friends say that I'm lucky, but I just feel cheated out of the whole experience now and just want it over with now so I now longer have this feeling of disappointment and embarrassment.

Maybe it is the hormones making me overreact. Not sure. If I continue to stay around the same weight I guess it must mean that I've lost weight, so it will be a nice bonus when Bumpy arrives, which won't be long now. Getting more excited about meeting him and seeing what he looks like. I think it may take me some time to adjust as I still have mixed feelings about becoming a parent. I don't know if I'll be any good at it, and worry that I will regret the life I used to have. Unfortunately, as mentioned in my previous  posts poor Bumpy's arrival has been at the most traumatic time in my life ever and I do worry about him being associated with all the negative emotions. I'm sure his arrival will be a welcome injection of positive emotion, just what we all need right now.

Still struggling with coming to terms with losing Dad, I think in a way it's harder now that it was before as Mum is finding it harder too, which hurts so, so much. I have found the whole process completely draining and can't help wishing that it would all go away, but of course that's not an option.

Too late now to go into all of that again - so ...


Here are my measurements for the week -

Bust - 52.5 inches (no change)
Waist - 51.5 inches (no change)
Hips - 56.5 inches (no change)
Weight - -0.1kg 


Symptoms
  • leg cramps during the night
  • sharp pain in the night if I try and flip over too quickly
  • Periods of extreme tiredness
  • more heartburn now
  • shorter of breath than normal
  • very achey hips and pelvic area

And now for the weekly shots - 

31 weeks plan view

31 weeks side view

Sunday 17 July 2011

17th July 2011 - 29 weeks

Ok, first off - had my GTT test, started at 4.7 then was 5.8 after 2 hours - so all ok. Plus my iron levels were good too - so no worries there. Then on Wednesday I had my 28 week scan. Again everything for normal, a big relief as I was quite worried about his growth. Even more so after sitting in a room with other 28 week pregnant ladies whose bumps seem to be much bigger than mine. But I think I've decided that due to my shape and size originally and that I think I've lost a little weight (discounting the baby weight) then I'm not showing as much as I should be. But that said, I can see this all changing dramatically over the next few weeks as my waistline - the valley between my top and bottom bumps  - is growing and will hopefully pop out over the next few weeks to give me a proper bump. But if it doesn't, then it doesn't. There's not much I can do about it, apart from choosing what I wear.

But  I do want to be normal, and to not have to explain to people that I am pregnant, it's embarrassing having to explain it to people still. Only 6 weeks left at work now, it will be hard for me to leave my department behind for so many months, I do worry that things will change, things that I won't like. But I can't have it all can I? My boss has asked me to work on some projects whilst I am off, which is nice, but how will this work in reality? Hard to know until he arrives and I know how much else I can cope with!

Feeling the urge to understand more of the finer details about having and looking after a baby, I know you can read and read and read, but will never know everything - or that other people can't always teach you what's right for you and your baby and you have to trust your instincts. Will be making many a list though to make sure I've bought all of the essentials and packed all the right things to take to the hospital - yes that's on my mind every day now - the hospital!! That day is fast approaching and the main thing I need to do now is to get my head around the fact that I'm actually going to have a baby coming out of my nether regions soon!

Tired now so will stop blethering on -


Here are my measurements for the week -

Bust - 52.5 inches (-0.5)
Waist - 51.5 inches (-0.5)
Hips - 56.5 inches (-0.5)
Weight - -2.1kg 


Symptoms
  • leg cramps during the night
  • sharp pain in the night if I try and flip over too quickly
  • Periods of extreme tiredness
  • little bit of heartburn
  • shorter of breath than normal

And now for the weekly shots - 

29 weeks plan view

29 weeks side view

Sunday 10 July 2011

10th July 2011 - 28 weeks

So I'm at the start of my Third trimester. The home stretch. Feeling under-prepared for bringing a baby into the house. Not that I don't have much of the stuff, it's just the practical side like feeding and sleeping patterns I worry about. I need to read some more to put my mind at rest.

Reading my last post was quite depressing. You'll be glad to hear that I'm feeling a lot brighter today. I had a few terrible days last week where I just couldn't lift myself out of the self pity and excessive crying. I know it's still early days so no wonder I'm up and down a lot. After saying how that physically I felt normal I found myself exhausted several times last week. Two or three nights I just laid on the sofa, not achieving much. Which I really hate as I have so much to do at the moment.

I have my Glucose Tolerance test tomorrow - so no food after 10pm tonight. My sister has had to have these so I kind of know what to expect. I'm more concerned about the growth scan on Wednesday as I am quite convinced now that the baby isn't growing enough. This is based on the fact that my tummy hasn't expanded much. There is an increase to my waist this month but overall I've only added about 4 inches since the start - is this normal? My mum told me several times over the weekend that I don't look 6 months pregnant. I haven't mentioned to anyone that I'm worried about the baby's growth, I just laugh off the fact that he is hiding in my podge. My top podge continues to expand above all else making it really hard to find clothes to wear that don't make me look too oddly shaped. I have a friends wedding to go to soon, god knows what I'm going to wear!

I finished the fitted sheets for the cot today - here's a photo of one of them on -



It's nice to add a bit of colour back into the room, as it is quite monochrome. And it's nice that the colours are to my taste - and not the bland palette of creams and pastels that the high street offer! I'll put more photos on soon as I get more organised.


Here are my measurements for the week -

Bust - 53 inches (-0.5)
Waist - 52 inches (+1.5)
Hips - 57 inches (no change)
Weight - +2.5kg (eek!!)


Symptoms
  • leg cramps during the night
  • sharp pain in the night if I try and flip over too quickly
  • still gagging in the morning and bringing up a lot of phlegm (TMI)
  • Periods of extreme tiredness

And now for the weekly shots - 

28 weeks plan view

28 weeks side view

Sunday 3 July 2011

3rd July 2011 - 27 weeks

Next week I think I am technically into my third trimester. So this makes this my last week of my second. People keep asking me if I feel extra tired, or if the heat is getting to me. But I don't feel too different to how I normally feel. I haven't been sleeping very well for quite a while now, and that's bound to make anyone feel tired. What with everything that has happened recently I guess it's no surprise.

It's four weeks today since Dad died. Feels longer in some ways. Some days I feel so desperately distraught and pained by him not being here any more. I feel guilty if I temporarily forget, this has happened a few times at work, the worst place to get upset. People don't really know what to say to me. And those who have never lost anyone probably think I must be over it by now. I want the world to stop and mourn for my Dad, but it won't and I can't.

My whole life is so different now. It was overwhelming enough preparing for having a baby, but to lose my dad before he's even had the chance to see my son has torn my world apart. I worry that I will associate the baby with loss and sadness. If I'm totally honest I'm still struggling to come to terms with him being a boy as I had dreamt of having a girl and can't imagine what its like to look after a boy. I'm finding it really hard to get excited about the baby. It still doesn't seem real, even when I can feel him kicking, which is a lot now. I worry that I may have some sort of prenatal depression. Or maybe I'm just a bad person? I don't know what to think - I can't talk to anyone about this as they'll think badly of me - as I would too. How can anyone not be excited about their first baby? A baby that was planned?!

Maybe it's hormones on top of my grief. It doesn't help that the day I found out he was a boy was the day Dad was rushed to hospital and I realised he was really ill. I need to separate the two. I can't associate my little boy with the tragedy. I need to see it as the positive event that it is.

Back to the subject of this blog - being Pregnant and Plus Size. I still don't look pregnant. I just look fatter. I'm trying to dress to look pregnant, but it's tricky as I have such an obvious B shaped belly. Pregnant women aren't supposed to have a waist - but I do. I can't ever see my stomach turning into a bump - one thing I was really looking forward to. I also worry that the baby might not be growing enough as my weight is staying around the same and I haven't increased a lot in inches. When I look at photos online of other women at the same stage as me they have massive bumps. Even with my bump hiding in my flubber it's nowhere near as large. I have my 28 week scan next week - so hope this puts my mind at rest.

The cot bed arrives tomorrow - hopefully. This will help make the baby's room look like a proper nursery. I have lots of fabric now to make things with so this should help get me into the baby mindset. Will post more photos soon.


Here are my measurements for the week -

Bust - 53.5 inches (+0.5)
Waist - 50.5 inches (+0.5)
Hips - 57 inches (no change)
Weight - +0.5kg


Symptoms
  • same as last week - 
  • back ache
  • leg cramps during the night
  • sharp pain in the night if I try and flip over too quickly
  • still gagging in the morning and bringing up a lot of phlegm (TMI)

And now for the weekly shots - 

27 weeks side view

27 weeks plan view