It's funny how quickly life can change, how one minute life is normal, life is fun. Then all of a sudden life is shit. I hate waking up now as reality is too painful. I had a couple days last week when I felt calm and strong, but now I feel weak and desolate again. It's so exhausting, physically and mentally. I keep trying to make sure I am looking after myself, taking water and healthy snacks with me to the hospital. One positive is that I'm getting plenty of exercise walking around the hospital.
I had another scan on Thursday to check the baby's face and heart - all was fine thankfully. But I still feel really detached from the whole pregnancy still. Ironically I feel there is some kind of symbiosis between me and my dad at the moment - we both have something growing in our tummy, one creating life, the other taking it away. We both throw up a lot, and have stomach and back ache. He was even on Fragmin also, just like I am. But my symptoms are much more bearable and for a good reason. His are caused by the cancer that is quickly shutting down his body.
I never thought this blog would end up being a cancer story, and apologies to those who would rather something more light hearted, but this is my life now. My worried about my appearance and hormones have paled into insignificance now, all I can think about is how my Dad won't be here to see my son. Its killing me . . .
Back to normality - here are my measurements for the week -
Bust - 51.5 inches (-0.5)
Waist - 49.5 inches (-0.5)
Hips - 57 inches (+1.0)
Weight - -1.2kg
- back ache
- aches very low down and all over my tummy like period pain
- leg cramps